The way it is...for today

There is a thin boundary
Where once there was a thick wall
Between She who knows and
She who questions.
I love them both.

She who questions is skeptical of
She who knows.
She who knows
Embraces she who questions.

Anew

Everyday something or someone changes, and yet
So many days feel just like yesterday.
The sun rises, the sun sets, and truthfully
Nothing is the same today as it was yesterday,
Especially me, especially you.

Did I miss something?
Do I take for granted the evolution of consciousness?
Is it true that some people are really, truly stuck?
Not likely.

If you arose this morning
You are different today than you were yesterday.
Can't help it, but
You can bury it, forget it, deny it, ignore it.

Life is always "anewing."
Even mine, even yours.

Within

Let me live from within
Rather than taking cues from without.
Now that I know Within is...
Without a Within
The only landmarks are without.
Once Within reveals itself,
Once we learn to pick up the signals,
Once we find the patience to listen
The cues from without no longer seem so very trustworthy,
While the nudges from Within ring so very true.

I can't disown you...

I breathe in, I breathe out
You breathe in, you breathe out
Until it stops, once and for all.
I breathe in thoughts; I breathe out thoughts,
I express; I am impacted by your expression.
The air I breathe out, you breathe in,
Giving and receiving, offering and taking.
We cannot walk into a cafe without taking with us
The essence of those who sat at tables near us.
You are not only not different from me
You are part of me.  
True, no matter your race, religion, politics or nationality.
You breathe me; I breathe you...
To pretend otherwise is ludicrous.

Life

Popped a strawberry into my mouth that was still on the plant 10 minutes ago.
Walked 2 miles with an aching foot
Kissed my husband this morning because yesterday I didn't like him so much
Applied Rogaine to the top of my head
Gazed at our new goldfish, swimming, swimming
Plucked the latest dead goldfish from the pond
Had dinner with folks who run really deep
Weighed myself this morning
Reminded myself of my (our) God connection
Got a fun text from my daughter
Watched my son look for hidden strawberries

All this since 5:00 yesterday afternoon.

Life is like that.

Hello

I've been away for a while...not so much physically, more mentally.  I've also been away physically, which is unusual.  I've had much to ponder and little to say.  Recovering from my latest and perhaps last foray into "church" has been tougher than I anticipated.  Maybe I'm beginning to snap out of it; maybe not.

Here are some random thoughts, as yet undeveloped.

I was raised on propriety.  We drank and ate propriety in my home.  I adapted pretty easily to proper dress, proper table manners, proper language, etc.  The real struggle has been and continues to be proper diplomacy.  I tend to say the wrong thing at the wrong time to the wrong people, making my mother (yes, even from the grave) cringe.  Not much improvement over the years.

I am so very weary of the Bible.  Not so much what it says but how it is used.  I just do not understand why every profound thought, every revelation, every inspiration some folks have must be authenticated with a Bible verse.  These thoughts, revelations and inspirations are gifts, freely given and authentic for the person who receives them.  They stand on their own, and when shared other folks can take them or leave them.

Life is simply amazing, confounding, and awesome.  I want more.  I'm not asking for added years, though that would be nice, but additional depth, breadth and wisdom.

Choices

When a long cherished belief proves through our own personal experience to be false we have two options:

1.  Cling desperately to the belief despite all evidence to the contrary, or

2.  Let go of the belief with immense gratitude that we have been proven wrong once again.

Option 1 is not only heartbreaking and deadly for the one clinging, but incredibly frustrating for the people who love the clinger.

Option 2 can be initially quite painful, but oh so freeing and life expanding in the end.  Each time we opt for Option 2, we pave the way for a larger and larger world with much more reliable vision.

It's me

You wake up one morning and nothing is the same.
You know nothing can stay the same.
The time has come.

In days past I'd look around trying to decide
Who or what needed changing.
Those days are long gone.
It's me.

A new hairdo won't do it,
Nor a new wardrobe,
Nor a trip or vacation.
Probably don't even need to read a new book, or
Find a new teacher.
Just accept that it's me.

Something is rearranging within,
Beyond my sight, in the background, and
I am unsettled, disturbed, lost.
I feel it shifting, whatever "it" is,
I so want to orchestrate this.

To those watching
It looks like anger perhaps, or
Depression or lethargy or even self-loathing.
More likely it is my awkward attempts at
Remaining present, not flinching,
Eschewing distractions.
Hard work.

Space

A member of my book club challenged each of us to write a "This I Believe" essay for our December meeting, and several of us actually did it!  We had wonderful essays on the value of traveling to open the mind, of diversity in small towns, public education, and even the value of book club friends.  And, I wrote about my faith in space...

I believe in space…not so much in outer space as in space closer to home.  I believe in room, enough room to move around, stretch out, growing room. Adherents of space are both anti-clutter and anti-confinement. 

I believe every home should have a few empty cabinets, an empty drawer or two standing ready for whatever may come.  Closets stuffed to the gill bring on depression that is alleviated only by a purge.  Goodwill exists for the likes of me.

My deep faith in space makes it difficult to tolerate crowds, crawl through tunnels, work in a cubicle, share a double bed, or submit to an MRI.  Whenever possible, I will always choose the most spacious stall in any public restroom.  My worst nightmare involves anything hinting at being trapped.

I believe not only in physical space but also mental space.  Who doesn’t find delight in a spacious mind?  How does anyone function effectively in this confusing and confounding world without access to open spaces in their mind? I must fairly consistently step out of my beliefs, opinions, attitudes and perspectives in order to breathe, not to mention learn anything new and refreshing.

I believe in spiritual space, wide-open spiritual space.  Perhaps my space craving is rooted in an intense desire for expansion.  I like to wake up each day knowing there is room for more…not more stuff, god forbid, but for more awareness, consciousness, acceptance and yes, even love.

Confinement and clutter shut me down.  Nothing feels better than breaking free of a cocoon, an outdated restrictive belief, a prison of my own making, a dogma that has kept me in chains.  I run from orthodoxy as if it were the pox.

The older I get, the more space I crave.  Space, being tantamount to freedom, leaves Life’s door wide open.  No boundaries.

Cocooning

Scores of churches have embarked upon Advent in preparation for Christmas.  Celebration is in the air.  Lights and music and glitter pop up everywhere.  I, on the other hand, hunker down.

What calls to me this time every year is solitude and contemplation in preparation for New Year’s Day.  Every year, following Thanksgiving, I find myself drawing within, shutting down, and spinning a protective cocoon.  Winter weather is a great facilitator for curling up and hibernating. I have work to do, deep inner work.

Introspection, reflection, observing and watching, waiting and standing back all seem the most appropriate and helpful response to year’s end.  Speaking for myself, Christmas is more a distraction that must be endured.  I do as little for Christmas as I can get away with.   The week between Christmas and New Years is both deliciously somber and sacred. 

I never go out on New Years’ Eve.  It is the night before everything starts over, new chapters are begun, fresh calendars fill with blank pages; everything is wide open.  It has little to do with religion, and everything to do with spaciousness, hope and faith.  I want to be ready.