Drop Who You're Not

I am intelligent, but not a scholar.  I am curious, but not a researcher.  I am devout, but not disciplined.  I am religious, but not orthodox.

For many years I expected myself to be all of the above, which means I am well acquainted with failure. Liberation came with accepting who I am and letting go of who I am not.  There will always be sufficient scholars, researchers, disciplined devotees and orthodox faithful to make up for my deficiencies.

I am impressed by your scholarship, but no longer intimidated.  I can admire your discipline without shaming myself, and gladly let you have your orthodoxy, with great relief. 

The freedom and exhilaration of letting yourself off the hook of unrealistic expectations is accompanied by the joy of embracing authenticity.

Speaking for myself, it means trusting my intuition more than fact gathering; trusting contemplation more than petitioning; rejoicing that outspokenness and extroversion serve a purpose; affirming my innocence and earnestness, and acknowledging that I am not everyone’s cup of tea.

Who do you know yourself to be?  Dare to share?

Decline

Last week my sisters and I moved our 91-year-old mother into a nursing home, the last place on earth she and we wanted her to be.

Our mother would welcome death, and says so frequently, but mightily resists decline.  Is it possible to embrace decline…loss?

What do poets know?

Writing rhapsodic about ebb and flow?

When your daily experience is that

You are weaker today than yesterday,

And there is no cure, and truthfully,

You want no cure,

When getting dressed is exhausting,

And bed feels like home, and

Though perhaps confused at times

You know who and where you are,

Who you once were,

Is it possible to say yes,

I succumb?

I embrace ebb?

Ebbing with little or no flow?

Or must I resist, pushing myself

To fend for myself,

Refusing to burden others?

Mother, show me the way.

Spiritual Travel

I am somewhat embarrassed to admit that I have never owned a passport because I have never gone anywhere that requires one.  I am not a world traveler.  A passport enables a sojourner to enter into countries and cultures that are foreign, unfamiliar and perhaps uncomfortable.  Stepping into unfamiliar terrain changes one forever; it opens doors of consciousness and awareness that broaden one’s view of our world.

Though I have not had that experience geographically, I have travelled, spiritually, miles and miles from my “hometown” Christian fundamentalist religion.  I find myself almost evangelical about the tremendous benefit I have gained from journeys into unfamiliar spiritual/religious territory.

Just as seasoned world travelers likely look at me, she who has never been farther than Hawaii, with compassion approaching pity I find myself having similar feelings for people who have yet to venture beyond their childhood religion.  I am convinced that thousands of such folk are perfectly content to remain rooted in a legalistic, fundamentalist Christianity, and I respect their choice.  On the other hand, I so want Biblical literalists to know there is an alternative way to embrace faith that opens doors and windows of consciousness and love, revealing an ever-expanding view of God and humankind.

When I was in my 20’s a psychotherapist asked me what I really wanted to do.  I heard myself saying things like, “I want to encourage other people.  I want to exhort people to never give up, to trust in a Higher Good, to believe in themselves….”  He looked at me and said, “You want to be an evangelist.”  I cringed and thought no, no, no.   He was so right.

I want to encourage people whose childhoods were similar to mine to find the willingness to explore, venture out, try the waters of unfamiliar religions, philosophies, and spiritualties until they land in the terrain of authenticity rather than orthodoxy, and then go deeper and wider.  I’m passionate about it.

If you should see me standing on a soapbox on the corner of the square, please stop and say hi, and then call my husband to come get me.

A Course in Miracles

I discovered A Course in Miracles in 1986, and everything changed.  I had rejected my fundamentalist upbringing, including the Bible, but not my faith in God.  I had recently read Chop Wood, Carry Water, which included a suggested reading list.  A Course in Miracles was on that list. 

For the last 26 years I have had a tumultuous relationship with ACIM.  Some of it I still do not understand; not sure I agree with all of it, or perhaps I’m not yet able to grasp all of its radical implications.

I have participated in numerous ACIM study groups and when I needed support I saw a therapist steeped in ACIM theology.  Though I’ve not been able to fully grasp ACIM, ACIM has grasped me.

Here are a few life changing ACIM truths, in my words:

God only loves

God does not punish, not ever.

Jesus is my elder brother, showing me what is possible.

Forgiveness is the key to salvation.

Salvation has nothing to do with the afterlife, but with this moment, right now.

Every human is an extension of God, endowed with a trustworthy Inner Teacher.

I cannot ultimately screw anything up; there is nothing forgiveness can’t heal.

I am as God created me.

A Course in Miracles is not for everybody; it clearly states there are many paths to God.  It does not disparage any religious tradition nor claim to be The One True Way.  I am, however, profoundly grateful that it found me.

Left Behind

Unless you change your ways

You will be left behind.

Unless you deny your reality

You will be left behind.

Until you see truth as I see truth

You will be left behind.

All of us have heard those warnings,

All children hear this message,

No one has escaped the threat of

Being left behind, thus

All of us know its pain.

Ethnic minorities have been left behind

Indigenous people have been left behind

Women have been left behind

Children have been left behind

Poor people have been left behind

Gay people have been left behind

Losers have been left behind

Religious minorities have been left behind

Atheists have been left behind

The question of who’s in and who’s out, however,

Has no theological basis,

Communities and tribes can debate whom to exclude,

Humans seem compelled to leave some behind.

God, on the other hand, cannot and does not,

God being God.

When I allow God access to my heart, and

I see one whose turn it is to feel left behind

I can reach out.

When I allow God access to my heart, and

I see a group of people who feel left behind

I can step out and stand beside them.

Oh God, please, open my heart.

Love

People respond to Love, and

React to everything else.

All people are defended, on guard, alert,

Except when Love breaks through.

Everyone yearns, longs, waits and hopes

For a drink of Love.

There is no one who, having drunk, does not forget

And thirst again.

Love always loves

Love is in the air, and yet

We habitually hold our breath

Until Love makes us gasp.

Every prayer, spoken or unspoken,

Leans toward Love, invites Love.

Love is, Love does, Love has, Love will.

My bible

My childhood and early adulthood were drenched in the Bible, so much so that I have spent most of the years following unlearning skewed Bible teaching so that I could live more freely and more lovingly.  Honesty and integrity became and remain far more important to me than righteousness.  Moment by moment salvation from fear and distrust became and remain far more important to me than where I go after I die.  Loving others and myself is far more important to me than morality.

I have reached a point in my life where I can honestly say I don’t care what the Bible says.  I really don’t.  

Here are my bullet points:

·               God is Love; Love is God

·               The raw materials for Love come packaged in every human

·               No one is left out or exempt from Love, no one.

·               I don’t have to get it right; I just have to say, “yes.”

·               If I don’t say “yes” in this lifetime it is my loss and my right

·               Atheism is fine and can be healthy; shutting one’s heart to Love, however, is quite painful.

People change...

When I was a child I believed:

1.         God dictated the Bible, word for word, and it was literal truth.

2.         There was one true church, and I was a card carrying member.  The rest were false.

3.         Black people were not like “us.”

4.         For the good of society, men should lead; women should follow men’s guidance.  Strong women could only lead other women or children.

5.         Sex was to be enjoyed only by married couples.  Singles should remain celibate their entire lives.

6.         Homosexuals were very strange and very sinful.  It should be noted that I was probably a teen-ager before I even knew what a homosexual was.

7.         Divorced people were weak, selfish and lacked sufficient fortitude to keep a promise.

Today I believe:

1.         Humans wrote the Bible, inspired by their understanding of God at the time.  Little of it is literal truth or accurate history; much of it is poetry, metaphor and mysticism.

2.         There is One True Church, and we are all members of it, every one of us.

3.         Our relegating any ethnic group of people as “other” is heartbreaking.

4.         Are you kidding me?

5.         Sex is a natural expression of the human need for connection and pleasure and should be enjoyed by responsible, respectful adults.

6.         I wholeheartedly support gay marriage.

7.         I fully understand divorce and society’s need for it.

I cite these examples for one purpose; to demonstrate that people can and do change.  I am living proof that people can evolve, grow, question, seek and find. Because of these changes of heart and mind, and many more like them, I understand there are beliefs and attitudes I hold today that are wrong, or at best, immature.  Thus, to argue vociferously for the absolute rightness of any position I now hold would be to risk having to backtrack later.  Some of you knew me back when and know of what I speak.

If I know this to be true of me, I assume it is also true of you.  I assume it is true of President Obama and of Mitt Romney.  People can learn and change; I know this for a fact.  Societies can evolve and progress.  Cultures can adapt and expand. 

The God I know today, though he may not have dictated the Bible, is a powerful force in the hearts and minds of people.  He does not need me to argue my position in the town square.  He needs me to trust what I know.