I have a more than passing interest in the nature of power. I majored in political science in college not because I had any interest in governments but because I wanted to better understand power. Attending college after having just emerged from a broken marriage, I felt powerless.
I crave power, and at the same time fear it. Acutely aware of its ability to corrupt and abuse, I dance around power gingerly. When I feel overly powerful I become frightened and find ways to deflate myself; when I feel powerless I resort to manipulation and subterfuge.
Having been told over the years that I have a "powerful personality," I struggle with inept attempts at containing myself. At times I tamp myself down in order to blend in, and at other times I'm a bull in a china shop. Every now and then I find a comfortable balance that feels authentic.
My internal war with power most often plays out in my marriage, but that is a topic for another day. Most recently it messed with my head at work, and I'm still trying to sort it all out. Another example of Life being a classroom!
Bob Lively once said there are only 2 kinds of power: political power and spiritual power. Political power is very tricky; spiritual power is rock solid. My quest is to handle the first with grace and to accept the second as my salvation.