Friday, December 16, 2011

Moving on...

In 1994 John and I drove away from the Longhorn Ranch Motel on a remote highway 60 miles south of Alpine, TX for the last time, vowing that as we left that beautiful, desolate place we would never live in a city again.  As sometimes happens, vows get broken.  We have lived in Austin for the past 16 years.

We re-adapted to city living very quickly, letting the peace, stillness and quiet of Terlingua fade into our memory.  Life in Austin has been good; we have no complaints.

A little more than a year ago I resigned from a highly responsible, stressful, exciting and challenging job in real estate.  I was whipped.  Since then I have recuperated, and am unwilling to resume that fast pace.  I have wondered for some time where I now belong.

The past September, John and I drove to Wisconsin, staying off interstate highways whenever possible. Something dawned on me.  I don’t like interstate highways or the cities they slice through.  I am repelled by the homogenization of American cities—they all look the same until you make your way into the “historic downtown district.” 

On the drive back to Austin, I heard myself propose to John that perhaps our life in Austin is complete; perhaps we could live in a more rural, quieter, slower -paced location.  I was shocked to hear myself say these things out loud, but not nearly so shocked as John!

Long story short, next month we will move to Paris, TX , to a home on four acres with a large pasture across the road and a 5 acre pond in our back yard.  We have succumbed to urban fatigue.

Let it be known that I could not do this without modern technology—I do not want to lose contact with my family and friends.  Thankfully, we have cellphones and high-speed Internet access…and Facebook.

I plan to continue blogging, and hope you will add your comments and voice to the discussion.  Before long we will be in the throes of adjusting to country living.  I’m counting on my friends to remind me periodically that I really, really wanted to do this.

Friday, November 25, 2011

Bullet Points the day after Thanksgiving 2011

My brilliant husband said this today (or something close to it):  a better approach to enjoying any relationship, especially marriage, would be to “let it work,” rather than to  “make it work.”  I love that!

I generally say no before I say yes. 

Today we are between Thanksgivings.  Yesterday was his family; tomorrow is my family.  And believe it or not, really, really great folks come to both!  Lucky me.

So UT and the Aggies are getting a divorce after all these years of squabbling.  I think the UT band showed us the absolute best way to bring closure to any divorce:  thank the other party from your heart, and move on.

When my 90-year-old mom decides to cross over the divide, I will lose one of the most amazing teachers I have known.  If you like anything about me, you should send her a thank you note.

Here is what’s true for me today:  I crave and fear change.  I stir things up and pray for peace.  I push when I should wait.  I wait when I should push through.  I contradict myself almost daily.  I think  Life is fascinating.

Friday, November 11, 2011

Bullet Points 11-11-11

The Bible says, “seek and ye shall find.”  A Course in Miracles tells us the ego’s motto is “seek, but do not find.”  My experience is that I have found, lost what I found, found some more, misplaced that, sought some more, etc.  I have also sought and sought and found zilch.  Likewise, I have been found, and I have been abandoned.  I’m nothing if not inconsistent.

I am really ambivalent about Veteran’s Day.  Certainly am grateful to all who serve in the armed forces, but I’m also chagrined that they were ever asked to do more than stand at the ready.

Some people baffle me.  Some people have baffled me for years and years.  It appears likely I will never understand.

I have yet to find a cure for my self-righteousness; AlAnon is a pretty good treatment.

One thing I love to do is sing.  One thing I rarely do anymore is sing.  Go figure.

My 90-year-old mother fell a couple of days ago – didn’t break a single bone.  She did, however, sprain her back and is in a lot of pain.  Today she told me, “I’m suffering, but I’m ok.”  That’s the spirit!

Football.  The politics of football.  The business of football.  The priority of football.  The stakes of football.   I don’t get it.

11-11-11 – making a Mountain out of a molehill.  Is it obvious I am not a numerologist?

Here is what is true for me today:  Harmony is more and more important to me; it is a powerful drug.

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Bullet Points 11-1-11

Redefining the notion of “home” is both exciting and terrifying.  

Missed communication between two well-meaning people is painful beyond words.

I’m realizing how annoying platitudes are and how refreshing truth is, even painful truth.  Amazed at how often I spout platitudes to myself!

I am forgetting what I used to know, or perhaps knowledge is letting go of me. 

I’m not ready.

We can be perfectly sane and still believe the most appalling things. Amazing.

You would think that wisdom would ease the way.  More often wisdom says,  “here we go again.”

I am hoping the realization that I will not achieve sainthood in this lifetime will eventually come as a relief.

We just returned from attending a wedding between our wonderful American nephew and his Indian bride, who wore a gorgeous white sari.  Many of her relatives were wearing stunning saris as well.  I think if I wore a gorgeous silk sari for just one day, my outlook on life might improve.

Here is what is true for me today:  Life is unpredictable, unplannable, surprising, and delicious.

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Bullet Points 10-20-11

  • I have a very low tolerance for optimism…just saying.  Surprising since I was a very optimistic child.  Did I get beat up by life?  Hate the thought.

  • Life is hard; Love soothes and smoothes the edges.  (Did you know “smoothes” is not a real word?  Spellcheck doesn't like it.  I do.)  The trick is to remember that Love is available at any moment, in any circumstance.

  • Off to a weekend retreat with really cool women in a really lovely spot with amazing food.  Feeling more optimistic already.

  • They say Gaddafi was killed today.  Have you noticed that a lot of “bad guys” have been killed of late?  Not sure rejoicing is the appropriate response.

  • I disagree with most of the Tea Party agenda, but love that thousands of folks stood up, spoke up, and got Washington’s attention.  I’m especially happy to see even more thousands doing the same thing with Occupy Wall Street.  Clearly we don’t agree among ourselves, but we all are beginning to respond to the reality that Washington is not on our side.

  • Hopefully, this weekend I can temporarily let go of my multiple identities:  American, Texan, wife, daughter, mother, sister, senior, female, college-educated, WASP, and so, so many more.  Shaking them off!

  • What’s true for me today is:  I feel freer and freer.

Friday, October 14, 2011

Bullet Points

·      I’m in the middle of Brene Brown’s The Gift of Imperfection.  Dr. Brown is the popular Houston professor, researcher and speaker who studies and writes about shame, vulnerability and authenticity.  The whole time I’m reading I’m thinking I wish I had written this.

·      Was confessing some of my imperfections to my mother this week: she agreed with me.  Yikes.

·      Have been hiding out in my house feeling sorry for myself because I have no “work.”  I have no work?

·      Becoming more and more aware of how badly I want to flee from city life and embrace country living.  Really?

·      Studied a web page for more than an hour dealing with female hair loss and looking at all the expensive products that promise miracles. Then I ask myself if I really, really want to spend time obsessing over thinning hair rather than enjoying the fall weather.

·      Shared with a group of friends last night my disappointment with my spiritual maturity and my life with no work.  They helped me see how I’d forgotten that Love is.

·      Experiencing more and more sleepless nights.  Something has really got me stirred up.

·      I recently spoke at my uncle’s memorial service; it reminded me who I am.

·      Heard a song on the radio that had a line that said something like “some people are meant to be memories to remind us how much we have changed.”  Whoa.

·      What’s true for me today is I welcome the opportunity to explore more deeply living with uncertainty.

II welcome your comments, pro and con.  Speak to me.

Friday, October 7, 2011

Class Warfare

A few have more,
Many have less.
The many with less resent the few with more
Not because they succeeded, but
Because once they arrived they forgot
The cab drivers, grocery clerks, mail deliverers,
Waiters, file clerks, receptionists, shop clerks, housekeepers,
Hair dressers, school teachers, nurses, lab technicians,
Baby sitters, truck drivers, customer service reps, office
Managers, auto mechanics, delivery drivers, distributors,
Plumbers, tailors, factory workers, pharmacists, sales reps, all those
On whose shoulders they perch.

The many with less are not asking for
What belongs to the few, but
For what should already be theirs,
Acknowledgement that the few can’t prevail
Without the many.
How obvious it should be
That we are all in this together.

And so we see Spring springing up
Across the world,
Tunisia, Yemen, Syria, Egypt,
Wall Street.
The many finding their Voice en masse,
Singing out, marching to a more authentic tune.

The few, if they pay attention at all, murmur
Class warfare.
The leaders of the few shout
Class warfare, offended and outraged,
These toys are mine, hard-earned,
Go find your own, like I did, and
I’ll see you at 3:00 for my hair appointment.